


Not Your Fault

by BestMarvelMate



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Best Friends, Bucky - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Death, Friendship, Funerals, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Internal Conflict, M/M, Other, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationship, Platonic Relationships, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Suicidal Thoughts, You Have Been Warned, and the, author status:, captain america dies, friends - Freeform, have a, possible triggers include, reader - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, still peeved that they killed Pietro, they're
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 17:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12822483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestMarvelMate/pseuds/BestMarvelMate
Summary: When Cap dies on a mission the Reader has to deal with the loss of losing a close friend while comforting the man he left behind.Tumblr: bestmarvelmate





	Not Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Bucky x Platonic!Reader and Mention of Steve x Bucky (STUCKY!!!)
> 
> Genre: Comfort
> 
> Warning(s): Cursing, Death, Guilt, Depression, Suicidal thoughts (whoa. this one's a little dark)
> 
> A/N: Prompt adapted from an idea by Tealsong from Wattpad. Didn't really go as planned, once I started it started to snowball, but I'm really happy with it. And damn did it take me forever to write. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Y/N) = Your Name
> 
> Italics = Memory

You had been there when it had happened. When the great Captain America had died. It had seemed impossible to you that someone so  _ symbolic _ , so  _ untouchable _ , could be killed. 

Steve had sacrificed himself for the greater good. A respectful way to go. Dying to save the lives of hundreds. The lives of his friends, his teammates, the man he loved. 

As hard as it was hitting you, the Avengers, the world, it was hitting Bucky a thousand times harder. After everything he had been through Bucky had finally found stability with the Team and with Steve. He finally felt like he belonged like he deserved to live like he deserved Steve’s love. And that had all just been torn away from him. 

You stood on Bucky’s left side in the cemetery, Sam on his right, not saying anything, not touching him, just standing. Offering your silent comfort with your close presence. Bucky stood stiffly, staring, but not really seeing the black casket before him, an American flag draped neatly over it. 

The rest of the Avengers, along with Maria Hill, Fury, and a few important military personnel stood staggered around the burial ground. Wanda sought comfort from Vision, her hand wrapped tight around his. Nat stood in between Bruce and Clint. Thor stood by himself looking stoic, while Tony and Rhodey stood next to each other. 

The officiator began the ceremony, but you only half listened to his words. The scene of Steve’s death just kept replaying in your mind.

* * *

 

_ The mission had started out like any other. S.H.I.E.L.D. had gotten some intel about a HYDRA wannabe organization with the usual offenses: black market weapons dealing, espionage, sabotage, etc. Fury ordered a small but lethal task force consisting of you, Steve, Sam, and Natasha to go take care of them. Bucky had wanted to come too but Steve refused to let him, wanting Bucky to recover from his last month-long mission, and, after convincing, Bucky agreed to stay behind.  _

_ You and the rest of the selected members boarded a Quinjet and flew to an undisclosed location in Europe. The plan had been simple: get in, take out the agents present, download any and all files from their computers, destroy the base, and get out. However, the plan took a sharp left turn into Shitville not even fifteen minutes in. It turned out that someone had tipped them off of our arrival and they were ready for us.  _

_ No sooner did we touch down and infiltrate their base they were opening fire on us. Bullets were flying everywhere, the boxes you were hiding behind exploded with the bullets force, sending wood splinters into the air. One came dangerously close to your head and you could feel the warm burn of where it had grazed the skin on your cheekbone.  _

_ It took a few minutes, but you all managed to knock out and disarm all the agents in the room. You continued on to the central control room, along the way setting up wireless explosives.  _

_ Once you were in the control room you began your download of all of HYDRA Jr.’s files. The download was at 96% when an alarm started to blare and the room's lights changed from a sickly, artificial white to an eerie red. The computer locked and every computer screen in the room was taken over by a box with a red countdown. _

_ “Cap,” Natasha said. “Are these the coordinates to what I think they are?” _

_ Steve went to her side, squinting at the coordinates above the countdown. You'd know those coordinates anywhere. They were to the Avengers Tower. They set up a failsafe that was going to blow up Avengers Tower. _

_ “Shit.” He breathed and you saw fear flicker in his eyes. You knew exactly who he was thinking of. Bucky. Bucky, who was sitting back at the tower, probably sulking over the fact that he didn't get to go on the mission. Bucky, who was probably worried sick about Steve right now. _

_ “F.R.I.D.A.Y., patch me through to the Tower,” Natasha said into her comm. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Damn, nothing but static. There must be a jammer somewhere blocking any outside contact, but we can still communicate with each other.” _

_ “Then I guess we'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way. (Y/N)!” Steve called. “Can you stop the launch sequence?” _

_ “I can try.” You say shakily as your fingers began to fly across the keyboard. _

_ “That's not our only problem,” Nat said, jerking her head at the security screens in the far corner that was showing at least a dozen of HYDRA Jr.’s agents coming your way. _

_ You hacked furiously but all your shorthand attempts failed. “It will take me too long.” You informed Steve. _

_ “Can you hack the data again instead?” Steve asked. You nodded. “Alright, do that. Nat, I want you to hold off those agents. Sam, stay here and watch  (Y/N)’s back.” Steve said in his Captain Voice. “(Y/N), where is that missile?” _

_ “According to the blueprints: two rights and left from here. In a large hanger. Why do you ask?” _

_ “‘Cause that's where I'm going.” _

_ “Steve,” Nat said. “You're not thinking of doing what I think you're doing.” _

_ “Someone needs to stop that missile or a whole lotta people are gonna die. (Y/N) won't be able to hack it in time, so it's up to me. Besides, you two already have your orders.” Steve said with a grin. _

_ Reluctantly, Natasha agreed and left the room. On Steve’s way out he had a quick word with Sam. You turned back to the computer and got to work hacking.  _

_ In a few minutes, you had hacked around the block and began the download again. You finished just as Natasha came back in, bleeding from a cut above her eyebrow and a bruise was starting to form on her right cheekbone. _

_ “You ready?” Nat asked. _

_ You nod, pulling the flash drive out of the port and shoving it into a hidden pocket on your suit. _

_ “Let's go,” Sam said, ushering both you and Nat out. _

_ “What about Steve?” You ask. _

_ “He said he was going to meet us in the Quinjet,” Sam said, you hesitate. “Come on.” _

_ You and Nat leave heading for the Quinjet. The three of you take out a few more HYDRA wannabe stragglers along the way. Once you are in the jet Natasha slid into the pilot seat and began to power up the engines.  _

_ You stand at the entrance of the jet watching the compound, brow furrowed in worry. Sam stands next to you, arms crossed. Your anxiety spikes with every passing second until you just can't take it anymore. It had been too long, Steve had been gone too long, it shouldn't take him this long to disarm the missile.  _

_ You began to step out of the jet to go back when the hanger explodes, setting off a chain reaction with the charges you set up around the base. _

_ “Steve!” You scream, taking off towards the building. Two strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you back towards the Quinjet. You fight Sam furiously, trying to get to Steve, but it was all in vain. He was gone. You knew it, Sam knew it, Natasha knew it. _

_ Sam drags you onto the jet and sets you in a seat, you're shaking, tears streaming down your face. You don't know how long you sit there before Nat sits next to you and takes your hand into hers. You turn to her and she wraps you into a hug as you sob. _

_ “Sam,” Natasha’s voice cracked. “Can you call it in?” _

_ Sam let out a soft, defeated sigh. “Yeah.” _

_ Your memory and time blurred together after that. You get off the Quinjet, Wanda holding you close and guiding you to your room. Bucky disappearing into his room for so long that you began to question whether he was really there or not. Sam blaming himself for Steve’s death, for not going with him to defuse the missile. Everyone finding some fault in themselves that contributed to Steve’s death. _

* * *

 

Bucky shifting on his feet next to you brought you out of your painful memories. The empty casket was being lowered into the ground. Bucky was handed the flag from the casket. A volley of shots rang out, echoing around the cemetery. 

Soon everyone had returned to the Tower, going their separate ways. As you passed Bucky’s room you hesitated, it hurt you to know your friend was in pain, but you let him grieve by himself. When you went to your room you laid down on your bed to take a nap, you were exhausted. You closed your eyes and let sleep claim you. 

You woke with a start and a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. You slide out of bed confused at what time it was because when you laid down for your nap it was still light outside. The clock on your nightstand read 3:23. 

Feeling the overwhelming need to move you left your room and found yourself in front of Bucky’s room. You knock lightly but when you get no response you punch in his rooms access code. The door slides open and you step into the surprisingly bright room. Bucky’s curtains are on the floor, along with many other things that had been thrown into a fit of rage. 

Your eyes were drawn to the fist-sized gaping holes in the wall and the lack of photos of Bucky and Steve together that usually decorated Bucky’s walls. Then you realized something even weirder, Bucky wasn't in his room. The feeling of uncertainty and dread you woke up to returned. You didn't know how you knew but you did. 

You ran out of Bucky’s room, sliding on the floor in your socked feet, and ran for the roof access stairwell. Take the stairs two at a time your burst through the door and stop dead at the sight of Bucky standing dangerously close to the edge.

“Bucky!” You call out carefully. Bucky doesn't even look your way.

“Buck, what are you doing?”

Still no answer.

“Bucky, please, talk to me!” you beg. The wind blows harder causing Bucky to sway slightly from his precarious position.

“It's my fault he's dead, (Y/N). Mine.” when Bucky finally speaks there is a heart-wrenching emptiness to it. Like this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

When you finally find your voice again you find choke out, “No, Bucky, it's not!”

“Yes, it is. I should have gone with him. Maybe there was something I could have done to help him.”

“If it's anyone's fault it's mine.” You sob. “I couldn't hack it fast enough. I should be the one six feet under, not Steve. If I had died it wouldn’t have mattered. The world can go on without me, but it needs Steve, it needs Captain America!”

You fall to your knees as uncontrollable sobs wrack through your body. “Bucky,  _ please _ , I already lost one best friend, please don't let me lose another.”

Muscular arms wrap around you pulling you close to Bucky’s chest. You snake your arms around his strong torso and you both just sit there, holding each other as the pair of you cry until you can't anymore.

“I just . . . I have this feeling that I can’t explain. I miss him so much it hurts. Whenever I think about him I feel like _ I’m _ dying. But, at the same time, I’m glad he’s gone. Glad he doesn’t have to deal with this piece of shit world anymore. How can I go on living without him? What do I have left?” Bucky whispers.”

“Aay’han,” you said.

“What?”

“Aay’han. It means a bittersweet moment of mourning and joy. It’s okay to feel both at the same time.”

Bucky pulls away from you and cocks an eyebrow. “Is that from Star Wars?”

You nod your head, “Mandalorian,” then take a sharp, shaky breath, “Bucky, you are not alone in this. For one you have me. And the rest of the team. We would all do anything for you. Even Tony, though he may not act like it.”

Bucky let out a short snort of amusement.

“It's gonna be okay, Buck. Not easy, but okay,” you assure him as much as yourself.

“I know.” Bucky sighs, pulling you in to give you a squeeze before letting you go.

“Do you wanna go raid the freezer? I know where Tony hides his good, expensive ice cream. The one with the edible gold flakes in it.”

Bucky stood up and held out a hand to you. “Sounds like a plan.”


End file.
